"Crazy" by Royal Bliss. Favorite song.
"Sorry" by Art of Dying
One hell of a voice
and why the hell can’t Carl ever just stay in the house like he’s told???
I wish I could stay home an extra hour to watch the “Walking Dead” season finale. Damn meetings…
I’m laying here in bed trying to fall asleep. Some days it comes easy, but most end up being just like this. Just laying awake with all of my thoughts screaming at me. It’s nothing new; I think I probably average, at most, five hours of sleep a night anymore. Some people think I am an asshole or mean all the time when in reality, I just can’t sleep. It makes me irritable and makes my already short temper even shorter. People like to take it personally when I’m in a bad mood when it isn’t their fault that I get mad, it’s the fact that I haven’t gotten a really good night’s sleep in probably months. Maybe by getting some of these thoughts out though, they might leave me alone for at least a little while.
I think a am a pretty likable guy. I get along with pretty much everybody and have few enemies (who doesn’t have a few here and there). I like to think that I am a pretty good guy as well. Even though some people might not think it or believe me when I say it, I really do try to make everybody happy to the best of my ability. Sometimes, it might not end up being enough but, damn it, I try my best. In the back of my mind, I have always had that feeling that I am the bad guy because I can’t make everybody happy at once. Whenever I try to get a step up on life, I feel like somebody is offended by it. That isn’t fair to me is it? It is my life and I want to do what I want without the fear that somebody is going to be disappointed in me or will end up being mad, upset, or offended by me.
With that all said, I’m stubborn. I don’t like to argue or fight because I am going to defend what I feel is right. It is my life and I can decide how I want to live it and what I want to believe. I shouldn’t have to be told what other’s think is right or wrong. I respect other people’s opinions so why must mine be infringed apon?
Sometimes, people do not necessarily agree with who you are friends with. Everybody has a few friends that make people ask themselves “How the hell did they end up being friends?” or “Why are you friends with that person?” Sometimes people that do not see the whole story might think that these friends aren’t very good friends at all. I have some friends that someone thinks treat me like dirt, bail on me all the time, and only call me up when they need something from me. The side of the story that this person does not know though is that when I went through huge rough patches and felt like nobody was around, those two did everything in their power to make sure I had a good time. They would text me just to see if I was doing any better that day than I was the last. They do not call me up just to use me. We all treat each other the same way. If, let’s say, one of them were to borrow something from me, he would pay me back for using it.
This paragraph is for one person in particular and I know you will read this. I am not superman. I make mistakes; I am only human. You’re my best friend and you know this. Because I am your best friend, why can’t you cut me any slack? I really do try to be there for you as much as I can. I have other friends too though. If I make plans, I stick to them. As harsh as it sounds, it is a first come, first serve type of thing. If somebody asks me at one o’clock if I would like to hang out later that night, that is my primary plan. If you ask me that same day at seven, I’m going to say no. It is absolutely, one hundred percent not personal. I’m not going to just ditch that person that I have had plans with all day. You know that I adjust them some to see if there is a possibility of hanging out with you too for a while but sometimes, it just does not work out that way. When I apologize for them not working out, I really do mean it as well. How would you feel if I made plans with you early in the day and then told you at seven that I was going to go do something with somebody else instead? I am only human. If you had plans with somebody I would never want to stop you from fulfilling those plans unless you were looking for a way out of them. That’s why every time you go out I say have fun. I really do mean that when I say that. I really do feel bad for you when you are feeling blue and I try to help you out as much as I can. Even if you do not believe me, I really do. Why else would I stop by for a while every time I go back to school? No, not because you ask me to. Some days, I just want to sit at home by myself and just watch TV. Sometimes, relaxing in front of the TV alone can relax me and, who knows, maybe even allow me to get a little nap in. Nights are the same way. I don’t mean any offense when I don’t go over to your house at midnight. I don’t stay home because I want you to sit there all lonely and what not. I do it because I get tired. When I get tired, I get irritable. When I get irritable, we fight or argue. Once eleven hits, that is usually the point where I am home for good; sometimes it is even earlier than that. It isn’t fair that you get mad at me for wanting to stay home and just relax. I offer ways to make it up to you and you tell me that it won’t do the trick. Hell, if I’m at home, call me or skype me for a little while when I don’t come over. that would have to help at least a little bit. I know you may not agree with everything I said and some of it might end up making you mad but I had to get it all out there. I know I probably forgot a few things as well. That happens at four in the morning sometimes.
Well, after typing for about an hour, I think I have the majority of the things off of my mind at least for a little bit. I wish I could type this much and stay this focused on my college papers; I’d be cruising towards good grades.
such a perfect song